Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize