Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
