Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
