Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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