you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
