im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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