someone owes me an orgasm
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
