Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
