I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
