PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
