Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
