her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
