I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
