just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
did you just send me my own nude
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
