they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize