you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I didn't notice because vodka
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
