Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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