I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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