i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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