it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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