Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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