did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
