I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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