So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize