nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize