I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize