He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
