We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
