I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize