His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
