tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
