i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
If I die, sorry about rent.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
