it's too hot outside to masturbate.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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