Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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