In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
