Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
