the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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