Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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