i think my tv is drunk
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
