So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Sext me about skeletons
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
