Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
