i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize