OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
