well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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