Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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