I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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