Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
