so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
