i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
