OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I accidentally burped into my bong.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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