Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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