i used baking grease as lip gloss
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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