your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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