So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
