I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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