not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
