he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
the condom got lost in my hair
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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