bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
