i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
