he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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