We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm like, not good at living.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
