She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Randomize
