soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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