she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You ruined the universe
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
