can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
