Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize