Don't EVER smell your tampon
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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