I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
