if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
